Darkness

Ah, high school. I'd probably have been an emo kid before my time if I'd wanted to let anyone know how depressed I was. This occurs to me today because iTunes has been popping up with my then-theme song, "Darkness" by the Police:

I can dream up schemes when I'm sitting in my seat
I don't see any flaws till I get to my feet
I wish I never woke up this morning
Life was easy when it was boring

I could make a mark if it weren't so dark
I could be replaced by any bright spark
But darkness makes me fumble
For a key
To a door
That's wide open

Instead of worrying about my clothes
I could be someone that nobody knows
I wish I never woke up this morning
Life was easy when it was boring

I can dream up schemes when I'm sitting in my seat
I don't see any flaws till I get to my feet
I wish I never woke up this morning
Life was easy when it was boring

- Stewart Copeland

Apparently Stewart wrote this song about the pressures of being a rock star, but it maps pretty effortlessly onto high school. It's funny how people who have no idea what depression is will shudder and talk of this song or that film or that book as being "depressing," when in fact the effect is so often the opposite; hearing someone articulate the way you're feeling can be a lifeline out of alienation. This song (and "Invisible Sun," since I had no idea Sting wrote it about the conflict in Northern Ireland--I grew up in the suburbs, what did I know from ArmaLite?) got me through junior year.