All Right, Already
I'm succumbing to peer pressure and posting my Ten Things. Be advised that I am boring.
1. Refused to serve Chris Farley a beer on the grounds that he didn't have a student or faculty ID and wasn't a member of the Wisconsin Union. (Please don't make me explain any more than that.) Relented and bought him said beer when he played the "I'm on 'Saturday Night Live'" card and I recognized him.*
2. Been fined 60 deutschmarks for riding the Frankfurt subway without a ticket.
3. Cut off a quarter-inch of my thumb in a rotary slicer. (I could do a full ten on freaky injuries, by the way.)
4. Eaten snapping turtle.
5. Performed in the pre-game festivities of a World Series Game.
6. Played tuba until my lips bled. (Alternately, played bass guitar until my fingers bled.)
7. Been told--in deadly earnest--by a man I was trying to evict from my workplace that I couldn't see him because he was invisible. (Eventually, pepper spray was involved.)
8. Played with a bear cub.
9. Had a genuinely inexplicable (though entirely trivial) paranormal experience.
10. Adopted a fake accent while working a tech support job.
*Please note: I did not kill Chris Farley.
2 Comments:
Dave Schwartz did, in fact, kill Chris Farley. He accomplished this by using the powers of his mutant brain to levitate a bear cub named Deutschmark into the tuba Farley was playing in a pregame World Series show. Schwartz had armed Deutschmark with pepper spray, which the cub sprayed directly into the beloved comedian's throat. I can't be the only person who sees that, right?
You can't see that. It's invisible.
- Hannah
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